I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety and (non-situational) stress lately. And by lately, I mean for the last 30+ years. I’ve come to accept that this tendency towards stress is simply a part of my genetic makeup and that it will be an ongoing struggle for me. However, at times I get frustrated with this aspect of my personality. In my darkest moments, it’s easy for me to feel as though life is simply harder for me than it is for other people—not because my circumstances are any more difficult (not by a long shot), but because I place a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself to make my life and my surroundings measure up to my own unattainable standards. I envy those who are able to move gracefully through the precarious points in life, and I grapple with questions of why God would imbue me with such a prickly personality.
It was in midst of one such pity party that I opened up my daily reading in Jesus Calling last week and read these words:
“Some of My children I’ve gifted with abundant strength and stamina. Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty. Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith. On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day. I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding.”
This message spoke so deeply to my current state that I felt as though God was literally whispering these words in my ear. I was reminded that, however much I might loath these aspects of my personal wiring, they are actually a gift because they leave me with no option but to rely on God to carry me through my days. My anxiety can be crippling at times, but God offers me a limitless fountain of strength and grace. Together we can navigate through life, one day at a time.
This month I am choosing to trust completely in God. Rather than bemoaning my inadequacies, I will delight in the power of my Heavenly Father and praise Him for all that He can do in me and through me. As I trust in Him I will in turn receive peace: not a peace that I can find on my own or through anything this world has to offer, but one that comes only from Him.