My Dear (littlest) Little Man,
Happy five months, buddy! My goodness how time flies, but in the weirdest math-bending ways in that you feel like you’ve always been a part of our family yet it also seems like you were born just a day or two ago. Whenever I’m out with just you, older women comment how quickly these days go and how I should enjoy them. They don’t realize that I also have a ten-year-old and am all too aware how fleeting these baby days are.
Speaking of that ten-year-old, my inner Enneagram One is just a *little* too giddy over the fact that we now have a ten-year-old, two five-year-olds, and a five-month old (plus two forty-year-olds) in our family; nice, round numbers make me VERY happy. Those big siblings of yours continue to be completely smitten with you. I keep wondering if the novelty of a baby in the house will wear off, but they seem more enamored with you each day. They rush to kiss you first thing in the morning (Mom and Dad are afterthoughts), love entertaining you with toys and including you in conversations, and get excited about each new milestone and development. They have never once complained about life taking a little more time now that you’re here, or how you consume a lot of my attention (though Sully did say it seems like I “play with” you more than him). You don’t realize it yet, but you totally hit the sibling jackpot with those three and I hope you remain the best of friends for life.
I asked Kali, Sully, and Charleston if they had any messages for you on your five-month birthday and here’s what they said:
Kalinda—”Nico, you’re so cute. My favorite thing is when you smile.”
Sullivan—”Nico Nico, I love playing with you with you with your rattles.”
Charleston—”Even when I’m not there, I’ll always love you, so you don’t need to cry.”
Your big brother’s tenth birthday has me especially reflective about the rest of you, and it has me thinking what you’ll be like when you are ten. By then your siblings will be fifteen and twenty, your parents will be fifty (eek!), and our household will look entirely different. I hope it’s still filled with lots of laughter and love, that we are all walking with the Lord and living lives that glorify Him, and that we still love each other like crazy. My prayer is that your older siblings will be role models you can look up to, but that you won’t be so enamored with them that Mom is an afterthought!
Enough conjecture about the future, let’s focus on YOU and this five-month milestone. It was a busy month for us! We celebrated your first Christmas and it was so sweet to have you joining us in our various festivities and traditions: you napped on my chest as we sang carols at the Christmas Eve service at church; you “helped” bake cookies and decorate gingerbread houses; you were there when we set out milk and cookies for Santa; and on Christmas morning, there were presents from Santa just for you (though you’ll need to grow into those Duplo Legos you got). Your big present from me and Daddy was a Bumbo seat and you like it, in very small (about a minute long) doses. We spent Christmas afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa’s and you had a rough time—most of my memories of that day are bouncing you, trying to get you to nap or just stop crying. But just think, Christmas for you has nowhere to go but up! 😉 Other big events of the month included a visit from Oma and Opa (you loved snuggles with them!), joining Daddy and me on our anniversary date (you did great with the movie but cried through dinner and we had to eat in shifts), ringing in the new year (you made it through our faux countdown at 8:00 and were thankfully sleeping at midnight), and our return to a regular school schedule over the last two weeks (you sit in on all our lessons—just think how much you’ll know before you ever start Kindergarten!).
I wish I could say that this month with you has been a breeze, but unfortunately it’s been quite the opposite. The biggest culprit is that you’ve decided you refuse to be put down. You used to love your swing and suddenly it’s your arch-nemesis. Same for your boppy pillow, your play mat, or any other set-down place, and you insist on being worn or held at all times. You are pretty happy when you’re in our arms, but cry as soon as you are not being held and the tears only escalate until we “rescue you.” The only solution is for Daddy or I to hold or wear you in a carrier, which we do every moment of the day (unless we’re in the car, where you do calm down and sometimes even nap). I’ve gotten pretty skilled at everything from dishes to laundry to school to meal prep with you dangling from my chest, and when my back needs a break (or I just need to pee!) I pass you off to Daddy who can wear you at his standing desk while he works. I know that this is a phase, that you’ll eventually become more independent, that you will learn to roll over and crawl and sit unsupported despite not getting any practice with those things now; and I know that one day I’ll miss being able to tote you with me every moment of the day. But right now it is exhausting and hard and my body is tired and sore. Thankfully you reward me with lots of smiles and coos that let me know you are content in my arms—as long as I don’t let go.
Your refusing to be put down has made the whole sleep situation rough. All of your naps are on me, but because you catnap throughout the day (either in the carrier or when you fall asleep nursing), we don’t have a consistent nap schedule and you don’t have any extended periods of daytime sleep. It’s gotten harder to get you to sleep at night as well, but around 7:00 I nurse and rock and sing to you and I’m *usually* able to get you to fall into a deep-enough sleep that I can set you down in your swing by around 8:00. If I have success, you’ll sleep for a solid four or five hours without stirring, and by the time you wake up fussy I’m headed to bed and bring you with me. As long as I’m holding/nursing you throughout the night, you sleep well and wake up in a good mood. That first twenty minutes in the morning is your happiest time of day, which gives Daddy and me a chance to get ready while your siblings keep you company.
It’s admittedly hard to recognize other new milestones or developments when I’m holding you all the time. But there are some! You grab at and hold toys and are showing more interest in them. You continue to put everything in your mouth and have discovered how to self-soothe with your thumb which Daddy hates but I find utterly adorable. (You can guess which of the two of us was a thumb-sucker. But Oma and Opa are probably still paying off orthodontia bills that resulted from my bad habit, so maybe I shouldn’t be so enthusiastic about the thumb. . . .) You sit well supported by the Boppy or Bumbo, and at your well-check three weeks ago the doctor was impressed with your core strength and head control. You are increasingly alert and seem to recognize family members and are interested in everything we do. You smile easily and babble and coo, and you love to make eye contact and facial expressions.
As hard as these days can be, as exhausted as I feel, I am still so grateful for you and love you with a ferocity I can’t begin to put into words. I currently have many friends who are struggling to conceive a baby, or who have lost babies before they were born, or who have given birth to babies who are not healthy. And here you are—alive, and healthy, and so adorable I can hardly stand it. I never want to take for granted the blessing that is you. I will love you always and forever my Nico Nico.
Love,
Mama
LIKES: being worn or held, milkies, Giraffey and Winnie-the-Pooh and cloud rattles (all three follow us everywhere), baths
DISLIKES: your swing (or anywhere else we try to set you down)
LENGTH AND WEIGHT: We’ll find out at your well-check on Wednesday.
CLOTHING SIZE: 3 Months
DIAPER SIZE: Honest Size 1 (but we probably need to size up because you keep having blowouts)
EYE COLOR: Almost completely brown, but with a grayish tint.
MILESTONES AND DEVELOPMENTS: spitting up more (not more than a few times per week, but you went months without spitting up at all so this is different), sitting well with support, grabbing and holding onto toys, thumb sucking
CUTEST MOMENTS: Charleston reading to you while he holds you on the couch. // Daddy smiling at you when I hold you: you smile back, then nuzzle into my chest like you’re shy. // Watching you stick your whole fist in your mouth and gradually work out how to suck just your thumb. // Seeing Daddy do work around the house while he wears you—and watching you take it all in. // Stroking your head and holding your hands when we cuddle at night; cosleeping is my favorite thing.
