My Precious Nico-Nico,
I’m writing this to you the way I do most of my writing these days: on a laptop propped at the edge of the nursing pillow that holds you against my chest, where you’re contentedly sucking as you fade in and out of sleep. It’s your happy place, and while it’s not exactly the most comfortable or most convenient position for me, I know I’ll one day miss the days when I am your everything, and when all you need to feel love and nurtured is to be close and fed within my arms.
The two of us are quite cozy here on the living room couch, accompanied by a crackling fire (sadly artificial) and a twinkling Christmas tree (that is 100% real). One year ago I sat in this very spot, writing on this same computer with the same festive decor surrounding me. You were there then, too, though I wouldn’t know it for another week.
It was just before Christmas last year when I began to suspect the strange symptoms I was experiencing could be alerting me to a Christmas miracle growing within. An old pregnancy test (from the box I’d bought when trying to conceive your siblings) confirmed the suspicions I’d hardly dared to indulge, and it became a Christmas I will never forget we we got to share the exciting news of YOU with your siblings and grandparents.
After Christmas last year, as I removed stockings from the wall and pulled ornaments from the tree, I envisioned what this Christmas would look like, with one more stocking to hang and another Baby’s First Christmas ornament added to our tree. My pregnancy then was still so fresh; there was no guarantee that the tiny seed that was YOU would materialize into a real child in the coming months. But you did! And this Christmas there are four children’s stockings hanging in our hallway. A rocking horse ornament is nestled into the branches of our tree. And extra packages with your name on them sit among the pile of presents we’ll unwrap Christmas morning.
Christmas is always my favorite time of year, and Christmas with a baby is the most special of all. Carols heralding a newborn King are imbued with added significance when sung with my own innocent babe cradled in my arms. I’m reminded of the subversiveness of the Christmas story, when God Himself took the form of a helpless babe for the sake of our salvation. Your tiny cries echo those of our infant Savior, and I am humbled by the immensity of love shown by our Father through His gift of an infant.
This whole month with you has been a sweet one, not only because of the added blessing you bring to the Christmas season, but because life with you is getting quite a bit easier. You’re still fairly needy and love lots of attention, but you are less insistent about that attention coming from ME and more open to being snuggled and loved on by your siblings, Daddy, and even other adults.
I love that you have been able to join us this year for Christmas parties and festivals and visiting Santa (whom you were happy to have hold you for pictures!). You love being out and about (as long as I’m holding or wearing you—the stroller doesn’t get much use these days), and you regularly gift complimentary strangers with a smile. People who know us remark on how big you are getting, and it’s true!
You’re mostly awake when we’re out, and your daytime sleep is unpredictable. But you’ve been gifting us with long, silent nights—as long as you are in your swing or nursing while snuggled with me in bed (you HATE lying down by yourself unless your siblings are plying you with attention). You especially like weekend mornings, when we get to sleep in and you get some extra cuddle time with Mama. (I love it too.)
You’ve gotten so much happier, giving smiles and cooing and drinking in the sights and sounds of the season, even when we’re home. You are mesmerized by our Christmas tree and the Lego train encircling its trunk. (I’m appreciating this year when you love looking at the tree and not trying to climb it, as I’m sure will be the situation next Christmas.) You’ve also gotten a whole lot droolier, having entered the hands-and-everything-else-in-the-mouth stage.
A fun new development this month is that you’ve started to look more and more like your biggest brother. I see so much of Charleston in your perfectly-round head and chubby cheeks. Your big brother is thrilled with the comparison! He continues to be obsessed with you, as do your other siblings. You are one blessed baby brother to have the love of so many.
I know you won’t remember your first Christmas, but I’m honored to be carrying the memory of this season on your behalf. Merry first Christmas, Nickelson Ryan; here’s to the many more holiday memories we will build together!
Love Always,
Mama
LIKES: milkies, baby swing, facing forward (with hands accessible) in the baby carrier, attention from anyone and everyone, Giraffey the rattle
DISLIKES: being put into your carseat, waiting to be held or fed
CLOTHING SIZE: 3 months
DIAPER SIZE: 1 (Honest Diapers)
WEIGHT/LENGTH: We will find out at at tomorrow’s 4-month well check!
EYE COLOR: Hazel? Not blue anymore, but not brown yet either.
MILESTONES: Super close to rolling from back to tummy; reaching for items.
NEW NICKNAMES: Shark Boy (because, like a shark, you must always be moving; you love being worn in a carrier as long as we don’t stop moving; if we stop, your happy mood dies); Pooh Bear (because you’re a pooping machine!)
OTHER NOTABLE DEVELOPMENTS: SO MUCH DROOLING! Your hands (and anything else in arm’s reach) are always in your mouth, and the front of your outfit is always soaked.
MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS: Your first Thanksgiving, meeting Santa (you didn’t fuss a bit!), joining all the Christmas festivities (decorating the tree, holiday parties and festivals), meeting Mama’s friend Cara.
