Hello, my faithful readers! I’m still on a blogging hiatus and am unsure when I will be returning to a regular posting schedule. Adjusting to our new rhythms as a family of six has been more challenging than anticipated, so I can’t promise consistent content any time soon. In the meantime, I’ll continue to pop in here and there with life updates. Please enjoy this letter to our littlest Jernejcic in recognition of his ONE MONTH birthday!
My Beloved Nico-Nico,
As I type this from the glider in my room, I have a direct view of your bassinet, where you are curled up in your Boppy pillow, arms wrapped around the blanket draped over you, eyes closed but flickering beneath their lids with what I hope is the sweetest of dreams. Every few minutes you let out a grunt or a squeak before turning your head, catlike, to the side and drifting back into a deep slumber. Gazing at your cherubic face and pristine little ears and head full of downy black hair, I still can’t believe there was an alternate version of my life in which this moment was not taking place, that you were never born and were not an integral part of my existence. You are the child I never imagined I would have, and that I can no longer fathom life without.
You have been with us (on the outside) for one month today, and because you are my fourth—and almost certainly my final—baby, I’m feeling particularly sentimental about crossing this milestone. I know how fleeting these newborn days will be and I want to savor every moment of your tininess. I could (and have!) stare at you for hours, taking in every nanometer of your perfect body, savoring your newborn scent, marveling over the softness of your skin and the sweetness of each little sound and gesture and smirk. Every cuddle is a gift and I love to rock you, soothing you with lullabies and kisses and telling you again and again how thankful I am to be holding you, and how very much you are loved.
That’s not to say every moment of your first month has been blissful, because there have certainly been challenges. As you’ve woken up in the last two weeks you’ve grown increasingly fussy, more so than I remember from your siblings. You love to be held, and especially love to be nursing, and you are NOT a happy camper when awake and not in somebody’s arms—preferably mine, and preferably while also having access to the milkies. It’s difficult for anyone but me to soothe you, which is very frustrating for all of us. You are very opposed to the baby swing and to spending any time lying on your back. You do pretty well propped in your Boppy pillow (hence our current naptime situation), and you’re a fan of tummy time but only in small doses. . . i.e., until you roll onto your back (which is very impressive, by the way!). Thankfully we’ve discovered that you LOVE being worn in the Ergo carrier, which is where you now spend great portions of our days.
While you’re very much a Mama’s boy, you are truly loved by your siblings. They beg to hold you at every opportunity and have been such good helpers with you. They get very upset by your crying and try to soothe you with songs and toys and the sweetest caresses. I’ve been pleasantly surprised that Charleston has taken a particular interest in you: he loves being your big brother and I anticipate that as my two singletons you will have an especially unique bond.
Speaking of your being a singleton . . . I am still getting used to having just one baby this time and not two. . . and I’m still amazed at how much easier this has been than parenting newborn twins! Even though you are proving to be my most needy baby, it’s not too overwhelming because there is only one of you. It’s been nice to be out and about so much, as it’s easy to pack you into the carrier and go. At one month I’ve only been apart from you twice, for less than two hours each time; you come with me everywhere else—church, Bible study, the doctor, the gym (where we walk on the treadmill), the twins’ gymnastics and dance classes, restaurant dates with the big kids, the grocery store, and even a movie with Daddy and me. As long as I’m wearing you when moving (and nursing you when the moving stops), you’re happy as can be.
Whenever we’re out, people comment on how tiny you are. . . which is true, though you are so much bigger than all of your siblings were at this age that you seem really big to me! You’ve gained almost 1.5 pounds since you were born, putting you over the 8-pound mark(!), and you’ve grown almost two inches longer. You have amazing head control and a strong grasp and in your awake-periods are remarkably alert, turning your head and making faces as you take in the new-to-you world through widened eyes. You also seem eager to pass up your siblings and launch straight into adolescence—or it would seem, given the acne that is currently covering your face!
It’s still early days so we have not yet established any sort of schedule. You nurse on demand (which is at least every two hours, but usually much more frequently) and doze whenever you’re tired, though you’re starting to have more clear waking and sleeping times. One thing we have started to do is establish a bedtime routine: you join us when we do blessing and prayer time with the twins around 7:00, then we change and swaddle you and I rock and nurse you to sleep before putting you down in your bassinet. This usually doesn’t last long, but it’s a start. When it’s bedtime for Daddy and me, we move you into the bassinet between us in bed and pray for some rest. . . which rarely happens. You’re still not clear on your nights and days, and we are up A LOT—sometimes almost the whole night, with Daddy and I trading off Nico duties so the other can try to sleep. The sleep deprivation has been really tough and I’m hoping you are sleeping a little better in a couple of weeks when Daddy’s paternity leave has ended and I’m on my own with you for the nights.
Despite the sleepless nights, despite the fussy daytimes, despite feeling as though my body is currently a 24-hour vending machine, I wouldn’t trade this month for ANYTHING. I am in absolute awe of everything about you and overcome with gratitude to the Lord for knowing our family was not complete without you in it.
Love Always and Forever,
Mama
LENGTH: 20.25 inches (5th Perecentile)
WEIGHT: 8 pounds 1 ounce (7th Percentile)
CLOTHING SIZE: Newborn
DIAPER SIZE: Newborn, but ready to move up to Size 1
EYE COLOR: Dark Blue
YOUR SPECIAL LULLABY: L-O-V-E
NOTABLE FIRSTS: Bath time (you loved it), Bottle (of pumped milk; it did the trick while Mama was gone but it wasn’t a favorite)
NIGHTTIME SOUNDTRACK: JJ Heller’s Lullabies
NICKNAMES: Nico-Nico (I have no idea why I started calling you this, but it’s stuck and even your siblings have started using this name), Sonny (Grandma’s name for you), Five Cent, Nickel Boy
MILESTONES: Rolling from tummy to back.
LIKES: Tummy Time, Bath Time, Milkies, Being Worn in the Carrier by Mama, Sleeping in Your Boppy Pillow
DISLIKES: Being Held by Anyone Besides Mama, Being On Your Back, Baby Swing, Diaper Changes, Having a Dirty Diaper, Being Wrapped In Your Swaddle (though you like the swaddle once you’re wrapped up)
