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What did I learn in 2024? Everything, and also nothing. How can I possibly consolidate the lessons of such a momentous year into a few hundred words? In this year of significant change, I’ve found myself trudging towards the elusive peak of a steep learning curve whose summit still seems too far away. There have been new lessons and insights aplenty, but I sense I’ve barely begun to scratch the surface of what God intends to teach me in the aftermath of 2024. In the meantime, I offer some preliminary reflections—with the accompaniment of photos from the newborn shoot we did with my friend Shanyn back in August (in hopes that I may distract you from my poorly formed conclusions with some cute photos of my kids 😉).

Just before the start of the year, we learned I was pregnant with our surprise fourth baby and began to see how God sometimes answers prayers we never dared to pray. A fourth child had felt like too big an ask after having already been blessed with three amazing kids, but God’s dreams for our family were so much bigger than our own. The pregnancy was filled with many lessons: the awfulness (emotional and physical) that is weaning from antidepressants during the first trimester (already an icky sort of time); the generosity of family and friends, who provided us with ALL of our baby gear (we hardly needed to buy a thing despite having donated all of our baby items just months before becoming pregnant); the superfluousness of a true nursery (consolidating all of our baby items into the master bedroom has worked out beautifully); the depths of my kids’ understanding and compassion as they recognized my prenatal discomforts and modified their behavior and expectations accordingly; my husband’s ability and eagerness to fill in the parenting and household gaps left vacant by my physical limitations; and the fact that a singelton pregnancy after twins is not as hard as gestating two babies at once but is still really, REALLY uncomfortable—especially in those final weeks.

God was so gracious to us in the details of Nico’s birth. I learned that I could carry a baby to 39 weeks (something I’d never done before) and that my body was capable of a drug-free VBAC. Through this complication-free labor and delivery, I learned that sometimes birth CAN go according to plan, and the wounds of two previous not-so-perfect birthing experiences began to heal.

Since meeting Nickelson, I’ve continued to uncover the depths of a mother’s love that expand with each new child—love for not just this new being, but for what he brings to our family. I’m still getting to know who we are in our new identity as a family of six. I see the differences in my own mothering as I grow more confident in my motherhood, more present and engaged, more appreciative of the fleeting nature of every stage of parenting. I’m learning to hold this newfound appreciation alongside grace for a past version of me who did not savor my other newborns to this degree.

I’m also learning to have grace for the fact that this new version of me is less capable of being and doing ALL THE THINGS. I had assumed that having one baby after twins would be a breeze, and now I recognize the error in my thinking. This transition from three to four children has been immensely challenging—so much harder than going from one to three—and I’m still in the discernment stage of identifying what I can manage, what I can’t, and how to let go of what is no longer mine to carry. I’m learning to delegate to the other members of our family, and seeing how much I’d underestimated their capabilities!

There have been plenty of challenging kid-related lessons this year, like the fact that every child learns and develops at different paces (that even goes for twins); the new emotional hurdles that come with a big life change; and the agony of walking a child through genuine heartbreak, loneliness, and disappointment. But I’ve also learned the beauty of growing sibling relationships, the freedom of having three kids who play creatively and independently, and the joys of doing school as a family. And as I continue to get to know my kids as individuals, I have grown in my appreciation for the value of one-on-one time with each kid and have learned the thrills of big-kid conversations (with Charleston), girly excursions (with Kali), and seeing a child teach himself to read (with Sully).

My world this year mostly revolved around my kids—growing one, and parenting three more—but there was some learning NOT related to motherhood that took place as well. I turned forty in March and belatedly recognized my unspoken expectations for that milestone birthday and the disappointment that accompanies a day that does not go as planned. Beyond the lessons from my birthday itself, I learned that forty feels no different than thirty-nine and is not nearly as scary as I’d built it up in my head. (Being pregnant and back in the newborn stage at forty probably has a lot to do with this; I’ve learned that it’s hard to feel too old when walking through a stage normally reserved for younger women.)

After sixteen years of marriage, I’m still learning each day how blessed I am to have Luke as my husband. Our marriage was tested but strengthened this year, and while we will always be learning what it looks like to love and support each other in each new stage, I’ve felt the depth of Luke’s love this year and grown in appreciation for who he is as a husband, father, and man.

Two national events this year demand discussion in this year-end reflection. The first was April’s solar eclipse, which revealed the joy of experiencing a supernatural event, and taught me that some phenomena—especially the ones orchestrated by the Creator Himself—actually supersede (dare I say eclipse) the hype. The other was the political scene throughout all of this year and the presidential elections of November, which unveiled heartbreaking polarization and media misinformation, but also helped to solidify my own values while teaching me compassion for those who see the world very differently from me.

My faith life looked different this year, with less outward spiritual practices but more time spent in family discipleship, in prayer, and in gratitude. After many years of walking towards God, I felt Him carrying me this year when I reached the end of myself more times than I could count. This year was less about learning about God and more about listening to and with Him. It’s a trend I hope to explore further in the coming year.

I don’t know that I’ll ever make peace with my own inability to capture every moment and insight in these year-end reflections. But a comprehensive list of this year’s takeaways is neither possible, nor desirable. Still, I’m grateful for this practice of simple reflection and hope it might inspire you to step back and examine the lessons that 2024 has gifted you. As you reflect, perhaps you’ll join me in praying the words of Psalm 25:5: “Lead [us] in your truth and teach [us], for you are the God of [our] salvation; for you [we] wait all the day long.”

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