Hello, readers! My twins are turning SEVEN years old this week, so I am using this space to document the milestone with some pictures, a letter to my twinsies, and a super cute birthday interview. I know these personal family posts aren’t of great interest to everyone (I see the unsubscribers), and if that’s you, you have my full blessing to take a pass on this one (though these darling faces and sweet interview answers may win you over!). I’ll be back next week with my usual reflections on books, parenthood, faith, and other non-familyish things.
Dear Kalinda and Sullivan,
Happy (early) SEVENTH birthday! In less than one week you will be graduating from six to seven years old, a number that feels both too big (because HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE) and also not big enough to capture the fullness of the life we’ve lived with you. You are on the cusp of full-blown big kids, still engaging in imaginative play and snuggling with your stuffies at nighttime and running to me in tears for every scraped knee and wounded feeling, but able to make your own beds and entertain yourselves without assistance and even do much of your schoolwork on your own. I love this age that is still full of wonder and fun and innocences, but also independence and mature conversations and advanced inside jokes.
Your birthdays (yours and your brothers’) always send my mind back to the time when I first learned that you would be joining our family. All babies are miracles, but you two feel especially Heaven-sent. After Charleston was born, we spent years praying for another baby, slowly settling into the reality that he may end up being our only child. The prayers, helped along by many doctors visits and fertility treatments, eventually resulted in those coveted two pink lines on a stick. Our family would be growing. . . and not by just ONE baby, but THREE, as we were informed by the nurse practitioner who performed our first ultrasound. I had never been more shocked or terrified in my life. Shortly afterwards, we learned that your triplet had no heartbeat. . . a devastating revelation, though I will always be grateful to that third little baby because, after weeks of thinking I was about to become a mother to triplets, the notion of twins (previously so daunting) seemed like a walk in the park. And though your emergency delivery was the opposite of what I had hoped and prayed it might be, you came into this world—less than ten pounds COMBINED—perfectly healthy and ready for life at home. Our lives have never been the same.
I always tell people that I wish every parent had the opportunity to parent twins, because it has been one of the greatest and most unexpected joys of my life. It is an entirely different world from parenting a singleton, and though it has its challenges, they pale compared to the reward of watching two humans grow together. The twin dynamic is unlike anything else I’ve seen, the way you move and play together, reading each other’s minds and emotions, two separate individuals who sometimes move and act as one.
Things are different now that you’re older, of course they are. You are growing into your individual selves, with different friends and preferences and skills. You bicker more than ever, are able to get under each other’s skin as only a twin could. But you remain the best of friends, always laughing and playing together with an easy companionship that isn’t replicated in your other relationships. In many ways you are opposites, and you lean into those complementary strengths: Kali takes the lead in social situations, while Sully helps Kali with school; Kali adds an element of beauty and art to your spaces, Sully keeps them tidy; Kali brings out Sully’s silliness, Sully prompts Kali to think more thoughtfully and ask deep questions; Kali is all heart and whimsy, Sully is logical and pragmatic.
In spite of these differences, there is no doubt you are cut from the same cloth. You are both (mostly) such happy, easy-going children. You shine in your “school-like” settings (Sunday School, community day at CC, childwatch at the Y), engaging with the other kids while (usually) listening well to adults and winning the hearts of all around you. You love to participate in singing and storytimes and discussions, get excited about the crafts and activities, and always come out of class with smiles on your faces and enthusiastic recountings of your time. You are confident and eager to learn and to please, and I am grateful that I never have to worry about you misbehaving when you’re apart from me. Of course you aren’t angelic beings ALL the time, especially at home. You have attitudes and big emotions, get frustrated with me and with each other, frequently tattle or boss each other (and Nico) around. These interactions are always short lived, and you are quick to return to your cheerful, playful, easygoing selves.
As I said above, twin life is so different from the life of a singleton; I see that as your mom, and though you don’t know any differently yet, you will one day feel it too. A part of me has so much guilt that you two are always “lumped together” for birthdays and posts like these, though we do our best to acknowledge your differences and give you unique attention. Having two extra brothers helps, fleshing out the dynamics when a twosome becomes too much. It has been fun this year to watch you develop your relationships with both Charleston and Nickelson: the four of you are much closer as you get older and are able to do more together. You both are INCREDIBLE helpers with Nico and love to include him in your playtime and games, and you both look up to Charlie and love learning from him. WHAT A BLESSING you both have, in each other and in your brothers. What a blessing that I have in getting to be mom to all of you!
And now I get to spend a little time talking to each of you individually. Sully, from the moment you were born there was something extra special about you. I think that God knew you’d need it as the middle-ist of middle brothers (an older brother AND younger brother AND a twin. . . it doesn’t get more MIDDLE than that!). And that specialness has only bloomed with the passing of each year. You are a sensitive, gentle soul who feels deeply. You have gotten more reticent with sharing your feelings, developing more of a stoicism that is so much like your daddy’s. (You are the most like Daddy of the four of you—not surprising since he, too, is a middle child.) You often sit back and observe, but you take in EVERYTHING and I always feel so honored when you share those observations and reflections with me.
You are absolutely brilliant, which is especially evident in your academics: you are reading a few years above grade level, are able to compute complex math problems in your head, and quickly catch on to each new concept. You are an independent worker and most days you can complete all of your schoolwork without my help; you are even quick to point out when I have misread some instructions or made a mistake of my own. NOTHING goes beyond your notice, but you are also incredibly literal and fact-based and can struggle when things aren’t exactly as they seem.
You are quietly stubborn and competitive, and that comes out during school time but also in games and imagined competitions at mealtime or playtime. One of your favorite things to do is play the “guessing game” about what time we will arrive at a destination when we’re driving: we each guess a time, and whoever’s guess is the closest to our actual arrival time wins. Last week I found out that you’d been keeping a running mental tally of our wins and losses, which are into the twenties. I can’t help but wonder how many other little competitions our family is engaging in, how many other details of our lives are stored away in your mind.
You have strong preferences, a clear-eyed sense of justice, and an immaculate memory. And because you are so bright, conscientious, and mature, it’s easy for me to forget that you are Kali’s twin and not her older brother. You can be silly, too (see: spontaneous dance-moves, random babytalk, goofy faces, uncontrollable giggle attacks), but you tend toward seriousness. You love to read and to play quietly with Legos and you enjoy helping out in the garden or with watching Nico. I love every bit of you, the serious and the silly, the boy who runs laps in the yard so he can win neighborhood races with his siblings and the child who snuggles into my lap and asks for bedtime dreams. You are a remarkable human, Sully, and it is such a pleasure and honor to be your mama.
Kali, my beautiful bright light. I’ve told you before that the day I found out I was having a baby girl is one of the happiest of my life; I always wanted a daughter, and couldn’t have asked God for a better one. You radiate joy and the purest enthusiasm for life. You are the creative, free spirit of our family, flipping and twirling from room to room, always singing and dancing and exuding a lighthearted energy. Those bright emotions can turn quickly, and you and I have the worst of power struggles that are exclusive to the mother/daughter dynamic; but you are always quick to make amends, snuggling into my arms and professing your love. You are sensitive to the words and opinions of others, easily crushed by others’ thoughtless actions and visiby blossoming with each compliment and encouraging word. You crave love and affection, especially from me, and you are generous in offering that love in return.
You are the most social member of our family: you make friends easily and LOVE playing with your girlfriends. When you are with them, I see the teenager you will one day become as you fixate on your hair and clothes and accessories, parcel out secrets and even dip into moments of cattiness. But you get along well with others, including girls much older than you and also girls far younger. You are a mother hen with little girls as well as with animals, and this nurturing side of your personality is one of your most alluring traits.
Academics have not come as easily to you as for your brothers; you are learning well, but at your own pace. Even though you can’t quite read on your own yet, you enjoy looking at books, and you are ALWAYS drawing or writing cards—your true love language. You are a gifted artist with a creative mind and an eye for beauty. And in recent weeks, I have noticed an increased eagerness to learn as you are asking more thoughtful questions and engaging in our schooltime in ways that seemed beyond your grasp in the past. You tell me how much you love to learn and that you are smart, and you are able to make amazing connections and observations that reflect both your feminine sensibilities and your creative gifting.
Kali Cat, I have treasured the extra time I have had with you as Sully and Charlie do more “boy things” together. A few weeks ago, you and I went to get pedicure together, and you were such a lovely lady, sitting in your chair with your sticker book, patiently waiting for my pedicure to finish and engaging politely with the staff. I cherish these moments with you, and I pray that our relationship continues to flourish as you grow into the gorgeous young woman you will one day be.
Kali and Sully, I had the most fun taking these birthday photos of you! We spent an hour outside the Cedar Park library and you got such a kick out of finding spots to take photos and coming up with fun poses. Your silly sides come out as the photo session progressed, and I loved watching you grow more comfortable and increasingly yourselves with each shot. After pictures we went to Dairy Queen for Blizzards and I asked you some interview questions as you enjoyed your ice cream. I usually do these interviews separately, but it was fun and different to do them together this year and see your answers play off of one another. True to your personalities, Sully was succinct and pragmatic about his answers while Kali answered with complete sentences and more elaboration. Here are those interview answers—a true depiction of who you are at (almost) seven years old.
What was the best part of being six?
SULLIVAN: Getting to do different stuff than when I was five. Like sleep in different bedrooms, be bigger.
What was the best part of being six?
KALINDA: I liked having a good time with my friends and doing stuff special since I’m a big kid. Like I got to go to Maddie and William’s Harry Potter party.
What are you looking forward to about turning seven?
SULLIVAN: Getting presents, the ones on my birthday list.
What are you looking forward to about turning seven?
KALINDA: Getting to be a big kid (giggling). Something sad. . . I won’t see my friends Mia and Chloe at the Y anymore since I’ll be in a different class.
What is your favorite thing to do for fun?
SULLIVAN: Play with Legos, play with friends. I like to play video games, that’s mostly it.
What is your favorite thing to do for fun?
KALINDA: I like to hang out with my friends, go on dates with you and with Daddy, sometimes do playdates, dancing and singing. Getting hugs from my mommy and daddy. And the very last one: having sleep overs with Brookie.
What is your favorite thing to eat?
SULLIVAN: Ice cream, eggs, salad. That’s it.
What is your favorite thing to eat?
KALINDA: Pancakes! Chicken nuggets, candy, juice boxes. . . I just said everything in our Lunchables because I love our Lunchables. And ice cream!
What is your favorite place to go?
SULLIVAN: The play place that closed.
What is your favorite place to go?
KALINDA: The play place. I really miss it.
What are your favorite toys?
SULLIVAN: Sparky. (Your stuffed dragon.) Sparky Two. (Your stuffed snake.) My video game controller thingy. Claw grabber. That’s it.
What are your favorite toys?
KALINDA: Lily Pad (toy computer) and Xavier (your stuffed bear)! Oh, I know, the Tuttle Twins books.
What is your favorite book?
SULLIVAN: 13 Story Treehouse books.
What is your favorite book?
KALINDA: Probably the Tuttle Twins books.
What is your favorite movie or show?
SULLIVAN: My favorite movie is the Mario Galaxy movie.
What is your favorite movie or show?
KALINDA: My favorite movie is The Greatest Showman. I just love the music in that movie because I’m really good at singing the songs.
What is something that you don’t like to do?
SULLIVAN: Oh, that one’s easy. Dog poop! But that’s not all. Also, go potty. Um, I don’t like to eat food that’s. . . I mean . . . I don’t want to say, because not all foods are gross . . . I mean I don’t like them, but gross is kind of being mean. Yucky. I don’t like eating yucky food.
What is something that you don’t like to do?
KALINDA: I don’t like to have to go poop when I’m with my friends. I don’t like being locked outside when the back door locks. I don’t like this flavor of ice cream (as you take another bite of your Blizzard).
What makes you laugh?
SULLIVAN: Jokes. And wrestling! Nico hitting people. . . I mean, no! Not Nico hitting people. When Nico says weird words like booboo. (You begin cracking up when you look at the computer and see what I’ve been typing.)
What makes you laugh?
KALINDA: Nico, when he eats at our house and when he used to make funny faces and grunts like he was going poopoos. And Nico when he roughhouses Sully. And when I tickle Nico and it makes him laugh, it makes me laugh with him. And when I tell a certain joke, do you want to hear it? Here it is: do you know that when you laugh your booty laughs? It shakes!
What makes you cry?
SULLIVAN: Oh, that one’s easy. When people yell at me. When someone is being mean to me. When someone leaves me out. It kind of hurts my feelings.
What makes you cry?
KALINDA: When Sully pinches me. Can I say something that annoys me too? When Collin gets too bossy. And when I get a spanking.
What makes you scared?
SULLIVAN: Scary shows. I don’t know which ones. I’m scared of black clouds because that means that there’s a thunderstorm. Police sirens. When I’m not with Kali because I’m used to being together.
What makes you scared?
KALINDA: Something that makes me scared is when Sully falls off his bed and he looks like this (gives example) and it makes me think he’s dead. And when there’s a BIG BOOM really close to us.
What do you wonder?
SULLIVAN: I wonder if I’m gonna go to Heaven, I mean, I wonder what Heaven looks like and who is in Heaven and if our family is gonna go to Heaven. And I also wonder where my family is when they’re not there with me.
What do you wonder?
KALINDA: What I’ll be like when I get grown up. What I will look like, if I’ll look like my mommy or like my daddy with a mustache!
What is something you are good at?
SULLIVAN: Ooh, Legos, dodgeball, running, wrestling, being bossy. That’s it. Oh, one more thing I’m good at, taking care of Nico.
What is something you are good at?
KALINDA: I’m good at ballet. Gymnastics, cartwheels. I’m good at keeping charge of the house. I’m good at being a good sister and at looking at Sully, what he’s doing. I’m good at being kind so that people can be friends.
What is something you want to get better at?
SULLIVAN: Ohhh, running, jumping. Doing gymnastics. And not being bossy. I’m really good at being kind but I want to get better at being kind too.
What is something you want to get better at?
KALINDA: I wanna get better at really trying to do stuff that I really want to do, like helping my baby brother. I want to get better at being kind.
What is something you wish people knew about you?
SULLIVAN: That I’m smart, even though they already did know that. I wish everybody knew my birthday wishes and what I’m praying about when I pray alone. [Me: So what is it that you’re praying about?] It’s not that much, usually.
What is something you wish people knew about you?
KALINDA: That I don’t want them to leave me out. How much I love playing with them. And that I’m really good at gymnastics and cartwheels and being kind.
What is the best thing about our family?
SULLIVAN: We’re nice.
What is the best thing about our family?
KALINDA: The best thing about our family is that we’re really kind and really helpful and we help people feel better. And that Mom and Dad tuck us in bed with our blankets on us and make us into a cocoon and in the morning we flap out of our beds.
How do you feel about being a twin?
SULLIVAN: I feel gooood because I like how we are both the same age, I’m older than her by one minute. And I like that she hugs me and kisses me.
How do you feel about being a twin?
KALINDA: A little happy, a little weird. I like being a twin because Sully helps me.
What do you know about God?
SULLIVAN: He’s BEAU-ti-fulll! (Giving a chef’s kiss.) And awesome! (In a superhero voice.) Oh, and He’s faaancy! (In a fancy voice.)
What do you know about God?
KALINDA: I know that He will make me stronger like this (shows muscles). And He will give me love when I’m really sad and scared.
Describe your perfect day.
SULLIVAN: What is my perfect day? Oh, oh yeah, oh yeah, this is gonna be easy. Going to Chuck E. Cheese, going to Menchie’s, then go the Y and have our birthday, then we go back home and have our birthday party there and have the best day ever which will take 24 hours.
Describe your perfect day.
KALINDA: Oh, this is actually, can you write this on there? Oh yes, this is very easy in Japanese! [The silliness had kicked into full gear here. Japanese?!?!] The best day was the day when we went to a playdate with Brookie, where we saw the Disney princesses ice skating. Oh, and the next one was when I was turning four or five and we went to the play place for the first time in the whole world. And on the perfect day I would have superpowers and get ten presents, even if it’s not my birthday party, and I would get very very good sleep because I love sleeping, and then I would go to my cousin’s pool and do a handstand on the water.
What is your birthday wish?
SULLIVAN: Oh, I don’t know it yet. Okay, let’s do this. My birthday wish is for a lot and a lot and a lot of presents and to get the presents on my wish list for Christmas. That’s it!
What is your birthday wish?
KALINDA: My birthday wish is I could fly and have SUPER powers and scare Sully.
Do you have a birthday wish for your sister?
SULLIVAN: I have one but I can’t tell you it, because you can’t tell wishes or they won’t come true.
Do you have a birthday wish for your brother?
KALINDA: My birthday wish for Sully is that he finds a good person to get married to.
Kali and Sully, some of those answers were so sweet and others were downright silly, but all of them were totally you. That was so much fun and I am excited about all the other fun things we will do in this coming year. I am grateful beyond words that I get to be a part of it with you, and I wish you all the happiness and joy and love and wonderful experiences that are headed your way.
Happy, happy, happy birthday my little lovebugs!
Love Always,
Mama
